


Who's picking up the bill for the fucker in suspenders?

by ToDefineIsToLimit



Series: New Frens [2]
Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series), Video Blogging RPF, Who Killed Markiplier? (Web Series)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Coffee Shops & Cafés, Awkward Conversations, Blind Date, Crack and Angst, Gen, Platonic Relationships
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-02
Updated: 2019-01-02
Packaged: 2019-10-03 05:06:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,226
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17277629
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ToDefineIsToLimit/pseuds/ToDefineIsToLimit
Summary: At the request/demand of their friends Chase, Wilford, and Virgil meet. Because you know maybe they can relate since they're all depressed and it doesn't work out quite as smoothly as they might've hoped.Also Dark wears heels because I think he'd look nice in them.





	Who's picking up the bill for the fucker in suspenders?

**Author's Note:**

> Since Jackieboy, the king of the Squirrels And Patton met they had been planning on getting their sad friends together and not their work paid off. 
> 
> (The sides run a cafe and meet the Iplier and Septic egos in this series because frick why not)

As far as Wilford was concerned this was absolute bullshit. Dark was always making him do things like not shoot people and drink water and get a good night's sleep but this was crossing the line.

Wilford was a spirit of chaos by choice. Frankly the amount of times Dark's “Self Care” Bullshit had cockblocked him wasn't funny. He always ended up listening though because Dark had ways of controlling him. 

For example today. Dark had taken away his afro until he went to this stupid meeting that the king of the squirrels suggested. Dark was followed him to make sure he didn't get out of line while he was there. Which apparently meant no shooting, seducing or substances.

The three S's of fun and Wilford wasn't allowed to do any of them.

 

When they walked into the cafe Virgil was ready to stick his head in the oven. He didn't want to meet new people in the first place and now he had to deal with a guy with a pink mustache and a depressed looking dude bro. The both of them were already sitting at a table waiting and Virgil knew he was gonna have to go out there.

Patton stood at his shoulder “You promised that you would at least try.” Patton reminded him. It was true he did promise but he was regretting it. He knew Patton just wanted him to make friends but he already had like five friends which is more than he usually had so he figured he was fine. But there was no breaking a promise to Patton.

“Hhhhhh fine.” Virgil flipped up his hood and shoved his hands in his pocket and walked over to the table with Mustache man and Dude Bro. There was a guy in a suit sitting silently behind the mustache guy glaring with an amount of angst that rivaled Virgil's own. The guy was an unhealthy pale grey color and he flickered with blue and red energy.

“Hey.” Virgil said when he arrived at the table. He sat down awkwardly. 

“What up?” The bro said offering a high five and a fist bump. Virgil accepted awkwardly.

“Not much.” Virgil said with a shrug. 

“I'm Chase, Jackieboy sent me.” the bro said.

The man in the suit nudged mustache guy's shoulder harshly. 

“Alright alright. Hello I'm Wingleheimer.” the man in the mustache said earning him a smack to the back of the head from the suit. 

“Hey! Oh fine. I'm Wilford Warfstache.” he snapped. The man in the suit looked dissatisfied but no more smacks took place. 

“I'm Virgil. I'm one of the guys who runs this place. Speaking of which how bout I just go grab something to drink for all of us.” he said feeling freaked out by the guy in the suit watching them.

“How bout a martini?” Wilford said as if that was a valid thing to order in a cafe.

“How bout no? We don't sell alcohol here.” Virgil heard himself and realized he sounded like an asshole. He also didn't care because he had no intention of actually making friends with these guys. The guy in the suit smirked at him.

“Strawberry milk?” Wilford asked seeming as disappointed with this interaction as Virgil felt. 

“That I can do.” Virgil turned to Chad or whatever his name was “And for you?”

“Espresso for me thanks.” 

Virgil slunk away, wishing this would end. 

 

“Soooo, are you guys friends?” Chase asked trying to dispel some of the tension.

“We used to be, a long time ago.” the man in the suit answered.

Oooookay this just got even more awkward. Chase turn his hat backwards and sat quietly. 

Virgil came back with drinks. Wilford sat drinking his milk through a bendy straw.

“Well this is the worst date I've ever been on.” Wilford took a loud sip from the nearly empty container “One of you two better be paying.” 

“We aren't on a date.” Chase said 

“Shit this multiverse thing is confusing.” 

“Multiverse wha- you know what never mind. At least on part of it was true this is the worst. Why the fuck did they want us to meet.” Virgil laughed 

“Jackie sent me because I've been through some shit and wanna die.” Chase said grinning because he was nervous and saying things like that with a serious facade people uncomfortable.

Hahahaha depression.

“What about you?” Virgil said turning to Wilford.

“Well I've been through some shit but it's been a long time since I've wanted to die…” 

“Great so our friends all decided we needed friends as sad as us.” 

“Well I mean I could use some friends. My wife left and took my kids and my best friend is in a coma so life's rough right now.” Chase explained. 

“Jeez…” Virgil responded.

“I've got more corpses on my conscience than friends.” Wilford said casually now sitting at a different table nearby. How did he get over there? The guy in the suit sighed and went and sat next to him. 

“Jeez I just isolate myself and ignore my feelings. Y'all are like…” Virgil trailed off.

“Hey it isn't good to do that either. I mean killing people is worse but you're valid” Chase said laying a hand on the kid's shoulder. He mentally reminded himself that he could not adopt this guy he was only a few years older than him. He. Could. Not. Adopt. This. Guy.

“Alright I've taken enough of this sappy shit I'm going home.”

“Will” The man in the suit said, a warning in his voice. 

“Oh is big scary Dark gonna stop me? I can get a new afro. I blame you for all this. If think this is such a great idea I'd like to see you do it” Wilford then stomped out.

The suited man walked over, his high heeled shoes clicking on the tile “Alright you heard him. He needs to deal with all this and this is the closest he's ever gotten to doing it. But he won't come talk to you all again until I do this shit so, here's my number if each of you could find someone for me to meet with so he'll be satisfied.” 

“I thought you guys weren't friends?” Chase said taking one of the cards that had the man's information.

“We’re not, but we have history…” the man trailed off and stared out the window.

“What are you doing?” Virgil asked 

“Adding dramatic emphasis.” The man in the suit said staring out the window a moment more. Then he stood up and strutted out of the cafe in his heels. 

A waiter whose name tag read “Elmer” approached the table.

“So are you picking up the bill for the fucker in suspenders?” he asked Virgil.

“I guess.” Virgil said. “Well Chase I should get back to work but it's been…” He glanced at the door where Wilford and Suit guy left “it's been weird.”

“Hey Virgil um” Chase patted his pockets for a piece of paper he found and gum wrapper and scrawled his phone number on it “If you ever need someone to talk to, you can text me.”

“Ummm thanks.” Virgil said.

They first bumped and Virgil went back behind the front counter. Roman walked over to him and whispered “Who was that guy in the heels he was gorgeous!”

**Author's Note:**

> Please god don't think this is representative of all my writing.


End file.
